Many beliefs and mindsets are instilled in us growing up, which we probably continue to uphold even as adults. But by having complete personal awareness, we can go beyond these and society’s pre-determined things to start shaping our own reality and future. Dr. Diane Hamilton brings on Dr. Dain Heer, a professional chiropractor and inspiration influencer, to talk about the power we have within ourselves that allows us to get out of fixed perspectives and ways of life, choose the things we love and comfortable doing, and start aiming for bigger things. Dr. Heer also emphasizes the right way to discern good opportunities from the bad ones, particularly during the COVID-19 pandemic. Finally, he touches on the many struggles of students nowadays with the educational system and what must be done to address the alarming suicidal rate caused by today’s harsh, judgmental culture.
I’m glad you joined us because we have Dr. Dain Heer on the show. He is an author, changemaker and inspirational influencer. He does so many things you can’t even imagine. You’re going to have to stay tuned to find out. I’m looking forward to it.
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Achieving Personal Awareness And Choosing The Lighter Side Of Life With Dr. Dain Heer
I’m here with Dr. Dain Heer who is an author, changemaker, and inspiration influencer. It’s nice to have you here, Dain.
Thanks, Diane. It’s great to be with you.
I was looking forward to this because you do many things that I am at a loss of where to begin. It’s fun to talk to you because of all the things that you’ve done. I know you’ve had development companies, practiced in 174 countries, you’re a bestselling author, and you do these different programs. I know you have one coming up. You’ve written children’s books. You are a fascinating guy. I want to start with a little backstory on how you got to be so diverse in your interests.
I became a chiropractor many years ago. As a little kid, I was always interested in things like, “How does that work? How do we do that?” I would ask everybody. That’s where all of this comes from. It wasn’t until many years ago when I got to a place where I had lost hope. I was trying to find ways of creating the things I wanted to create. I saw no avenue for doing it. I got to a place where I was going to end my life if things didn’t change. I had a session of something called Access Consciousness Bars. I went into the session depressed and suicidal. I came out with a sense of gratitude for being alive and the joy of being alive that I had been missing for years. I was like, “If it feels like this, I’m in.”Anytime we're willing to ask a question, something else can show up in our lives. Click To Tweet
What did they tell you in there?
You’ve got to realize I was in California at that time. In California, there’s a lot of leeway to do the weirdest stuff in the world. Everybody does it. It was this light touch technique on the head. The lady who I was doing the session with, I said, “What is the result?” She said, “At the worst, you’ll feel like you had a good massage and the best is your whole life can change.” In the back of my head, I was like, “My whole life better change or I’m killing myself. What do I have to lose?” She puts her hands on my head and I’m like, “Here we go, another woo-woo California thing.” At a certain point, I feel this energy go through my body that felt like liquid peace and light. I was like, “This is bizarre.” At a certain point, about ten minutes later, I started giggling. She would move her hands at all these different places during the course of the next hour. I giggled like a little kid. I was like, “What is going on?”
What was going on is this thing that this technique did, something I’d never heard of. It’s called the Bars. What she explained to me is it dissipates the electromagnetic component of thoughts, feelings and emotions, which were all the places I was stuck. After it, I felt free. I was so excited by it. Here I was being a chiropractor because I wanted to create miracles in people’s lives. I saw none of that occurring with what I was doing. I was so excited. I’m like, “I want to do more of this.” Fast forward, many years later, I’ve been part of co-creating it for the past many years. When I started, we were in two countries and now we’re in 176, 184 or some number I don’t remember. It’s not that relevant. It’s way more than three.
That for me is my primary business. That is what gave me the sense that anything is possible. From there, I’ve been part of co-creating a lot of businesses. We have horses and we have a castle in Italy. We’re building a resort in Costa Rica, writing books, children’s books. It’s part of that curiosity and that joy of being alive that many people start to lose as they get older. We don’t get to be like big kids creating like we should. Even when I say that, a lot of people go, “Kids don’t have responsibilities.” I’m like, “I know but they have this innate sense of curiosity. They haven’t concluded everything yet. They’re willing to try something. They’re willing to fail and then pick themselves up and start again.”
That I found is one of the greatest gifts that we can give ourselves. It’s the willingness to start something because it sounds fun. We course–correct along the way based on the awareness that we have because we do have awareness of what will create more. I’ve got some real simple tools to get people started in that direction, and then play. Our lives should be play. I can hear a lot of groans out there where people were like, “You don’t know my life.” I’m like, “You don’t know my life many years ago either. I totally understand if you don’t get it because I was there.” Functioning from this place, I’ve seen miracles occur. If you look at it, where the joy in life is when the miracles occur. Why don’t we allow more of that?
It’s so interesting since I’m a curiosity expert and have done so much research in that area. It fascinated me to quantify the things that keep people from being curious. Kids are super curious. As we’re around age five, it starts to tank dramatically. I deal with this with all the companies when I’m going around the world talking to people about this. It was fascinating to me to see the four factors I found were fear, assumptions, that voice in our head, technology, over and under-utilization of it, and environment, everybody around us. All those are the four factors that impact our curiosity. I’m curious when you say access consciousness, what do you mean by that?
There you go. You’ve got the curiosity, which is when you’ll ask a question and let something else show up. Anytime we’re willing to ask a question, something else can show up in our lives, and we get away from the question. We have a definition for consciousness in Access Consciousness, which is where everything exists and nothing is judged. You hear that. Most people don’t get how profound that is. Out of the four aspects that you mentioned of what creates the loss of curiosity, my spin on it would be that what causes our loss of curiosity and underlying all of those factors is judgment. Kids do not judge when they come in. They’re naturally allowed to have curiosity. Once we start teaching them, there’s a thing as right and wrong and good and bad. They start putting everything into a framework of, “Is this right or is this wrong? Is this good or is this bad?” They don’t even know because that’s not a concept that exists in their world yet.
What they learn to do is to create this judgment monster that is with them all the time, looking over their shoulder, whispering in their ear. It’s our assumptions, projections, expectations, and what we’ve learned from other people. It’s dynamically why we pick up mom and dad’s realities as we’re growing up because they’re the ones who were teaching us to judge rather than teaching us that we have choice. It’s a crucial difference. For example, Gary, the Founder of Access, he had taken the pot off the stove and the flame was still on. He was putting it over to the side and his daughter was going to touch it. He didn’t say, “Don’t touch that.” He said, “If you touch it, it’s going to hurt.” She put her hand close and felt the heat and went, “I’m not going to touch it.” He didn’t make her wrong for wanting to but he also said, “Your choice is going to create something.”
If we would change that one thing with our kids or if we had it changed with us, everything could be different because we would realize each choice creates something. We don’t choose this because it’s wrong or bad, which is a concept we don’t understand that we pick up from other people about what’s right and wrong, good and bad. We choose this because of the effect it will create, or not choose it because of the effect that it will create, and what effect not choosing it will create. That changes all reality because now your reality is no longer based primarily in judgment. It’s based in choice and the idea that choice creates. What judgment does is it takes all of us away from having a true choice.
They overlap those factors. Your fear is influenced by what you’re telling yourself. It’s influenced by who’s told you things. All these things that you’re talking about is definitely what I’ve found. COVID has got to be something that you’re dealing with as a speaker. We both are speakers. You’re doing different things in different ways. A lot of people are freaked out by how they’re doing business. I was looking at some of your events coming up. I saw you had one with Gary Douglas and some other people. What’s your connection with him?
We’d been best friends and co-creators of Access Consciousness, and several of these other businesses around the world for many years. It was one of those things where you meet somebody and you’re like, “I think you’re my best friend.” He is wonderful. He’s got a different point of view about the world, all of reality, how it functions, and how we can create it functioning on our behalf. I was inspired when I met him. We would sit for hours and throw conversations back and forth about different concepts. We would take a limitation. I would go, “I’ve got this going on. I know somebody with this. What do you think we would need to do to unlock it?” We would use Access Consciousness tools. There are a lot of tools in Access Consciousness that allow you to change things in the trenches of life.
We would look at the prevailing concept of what everybody else was saying caused it. We would see if we applied that, would it change? If it didn’t, we would start asking, “What would it take to change this?” We’ve developed a body of work that is different than anything else on the planet. I call it the biggest upgrade in personal development since there’s been personal development. Not from a place of arrogance but from a place of we question everything, and then ask, “What is it going to take to change this? Not just momentarily, not just to feel better about it, but to change the situation and moving forward.”
You talked about tools. What do you offer? What are these tools you’re talking about that can get us out of anxiety, fear and uncertainty?
First, let me say that we have about 8,000 of them. The reason I keep referring to it as tools is because that’s what I needed. I had the inspiration and motivation to change. I wanted to change but the tools that I found that were presented by everybody presenting them didn’t work. They would work for a little while. That’s why for me, I’m a big believer in tools because for the people who desire change, they need the right tool. For example, one of the primary things that we can get is that what’s true for you will always make you lighter. A lie always makes you heavier. Meaning, if you’re going to embark on some journey either to create something, whether it’s a new business, a new product, a new relationship, you want to get the sense of, “Does this make me lighter when I think about doing it?” If so, then it will create more lightness in your life or business.
It’s a fundamental thing. A lot of people are like, “I can’t see how this is light or heavy.” You need to give it a minute. Your knee–jerk reaction, your gut instinct when you go, “Is this lighter?” For example, somebody asks you out on a date and you’re like, “Is this lighter or heavier?” If it’s heavier, don’t do it. How many times have you chosen something that you knew not to choose and it turned out as badly as you knew it would? Fundamentally, we all have a level of awareness that goes beyond our cognitive mind that we’re not accessing to contribute to the choices and awareness of the choices that we make.
This one sense if is it lighter or heavier is one thing that we can begin. If it’s true for you when it’s lighter, the more things you choose that are lighter when you choose them, over time the lighter your entire life gets. Lighter is like happier. It’s more spontaneous. It’s where the miracles live. You have so many creators that read and a lot of them can recognize it. Sometimes things show up as if it’s a miracle. It shows up as if by magic and they go, “How did I do that? Let me recreate that.” You do that when you’re not thinking. When you say, “What would it take for this to show up?” You forget about it and then it shows up. People keep trying to put a formula to it, but the formula is to have no formula. The formula also is to get a sense of what makes you lighter, do more of those things. There are two other things that are vital. One is to ask a question rather than come to a conclusion.
Since we were five, what we’ve been taught is that natural curiosity is not going to get us anywhere, that’s not practical enough. We need to do the pros and cons and the checklist to know what to choose. If in actuality, we as beings already have an innate guidance system that if we would follow it, 90% of the time it leads us to those things that would create the most, but they don’t necessarily match the checklist. There is a place for the checklist. Instead of making the checklist, the pros and cons or, “They check all the boxes so I’m going to do it,” instead of using that as your primary source for what you’re going to choose, look at what would make you lighter and what would make you happy. Look at what you would create if nobody else were around, and then ask yourself, “What will my life be like in years if I choose this?” Get a sense of that, whether it’s lighter or heavier, whether you’re happier or more depressed and, “What would my life be like in five years if I don’t choose this?” Especially for the larger choices but I say do it for the smaller choices, it’s a great way to get practice. If we would do that, we would allow our awareness to start guiding our choices.Judgment takes all of us away from having true choices. Click To Tweet
I published in different journals and different things about perception. I think that you sometimes don’t recognize the impact of different things. I see perception as IQ, EQ, Emotional Quotient, CQ for Curiosity Quotient, CQ for Cultural Quotient, and how we see things from our vantage point. It’s sometimes difficult for people to get out of their own way to see things from any other vantage point. How do you know how to predict what’s going to work or what isn’t going to work if you don’t know what you don’t know?
This is the beauty of it. In actuality, we need to be willing to practice and we need to be willing to screw it up. This is bringing us back to our original conversation about being willing to fail. My point of view is all is well that ends in more awareness. Let’s face it, we get more awareness every time we screw something up and we won’t ever do that again. What we need to do or the way of getting out of it is start by asking some simple questions. The question always opens up another doorway of possibility. When you have a conclusion, a judgment, a decision about something, the only thing that can come into your awareness is what you’ve decided can exist. Your point of view creates your reality. Reality does not create your point of view. Have you ever had two people undergo the exact same experience and they have different points of view about it? They view the exact same experience in two different ways.
I gave a great story about that in my book on Perception of two salespeople who came out of a presentation. One thought it was the worst thing ever. The other one thought it was the best thing because they learned all the things to fix instead of thinking that they failed. It’s interesting to see how people will look at the same email. One person will go, “Did you see how snarky that was?” The other person doesn’t see anything.
If you look at the two salesmen, the point of view of one was formed by the judgments, the projections, the expectations, all the stuff they’ve gathered that create their point of view of reality, life, and everything they need to resist and react to or align and agree with. The other one was like, “I’m willing to receive all this information and act on it. Thank you for the information, now I can go and create something greater.” Those are two different points of view. If we would allow ourselves to be more the second person, “Everything I’m receiving is information. It’s not right or wrong or good or bad. It’s awareness for how I can course–correct to make this greater in the future.”
That is something that as you age, you get better at incorporating feedback, and looking at failure as learning experiences. Do you find that younger people have a harder time with some of these things?
As I look at and work with many Millennials around the world, I see both. What’s interesting is I see some older people that have a much harder time because they’re much more fixed in their point of view about what is right and wrong and how reality has to be. Some of them, however, have gained the wisdom that can come with age where it’s more information. I see it both ways. I see a lot of young people I work with who are looking for something different to such a degree because they’ve tried everything that’s available to them that is the standard operating procedure. They know that doesn’t work so they’re willing to have something different. They’re willing to change their point of view on a dime. It does seem to be up to the individual. I’ve looked at that from the perspective of age versus level of fixed point of view. I found that it goes both ways. It seems to be a choice on the individual’s part.
I used a lot of Carol Dweck’s work in my research on mindset. It was interesting to see how we can close ourselves off to certain things. In Carol’s work, she saw that if your parents told, “You’re natural at that. That’s a beautiful painting you did.” You’re a natural, you’re not going to be as open to trying harder, but if somebody said, “You worked hard at that. You did so great,” then you might be more open to trying harder and you get more of an open mindset. Some of it is our experiences. There’s so much to it. Going back to our perception of what we’re going through, for a lot of us, it is very unsettling times with COVID. What’s going to happen to us? Will there be a new normal? Is there going to be the way it was? I don’t think there will be personally. There will be a way to go back to the way it used to be. What will it be like now? How do we adjust to that?
We’ve got to look at two things. We’ve got to look at what a lot of the people in the world are going to choose. We have to recognize that we don’t have to choose what the world is choosing. If we could get that one perspective, we would open up the doors to the jail cell we’ve been putting ourselves in. I work with thousands of people around the world on a yearly basis. I interact with them dynamically and find out what they’re up to. What I’ve noticed is the people that had Access tools in their lives for the last few months have sailed through Corona while everybody else is saying, “It’s the end of the world. I can’t make any money. I can’t do anything.” We need to recognize that even if it looks like the rest of the world is choosing to go to hell in a handbasket, you don’t have to go with them.
In order to do that, you’ve got to start getting a sense of what is true for you, and being willing to choose to be as different as you are, even if you get judged for it, even if other people don’t like it. When you’re happy making money, and they’re all suffering and sad, you’re having great relationships in that, they’re going to want to look to you for what to do to change it. It’s this case of when you have a different perspective. In the beginnings of that, it’s difficult because everybody is judging you or you feel too different. There’s a lot of motivation to not chart your own course. What I found is if you chart your own course, what happens is everybody then wants to follow you because what you’re doing is working.
When you follow your awareness, which is why I brought up this tool of what’s true for you makes you lighter, and also asking questions to what else is possible. What’s possible beyond this reality that I don’t even think as possible, that if I allowed it would let something different show up? Things like that are activating your awareness that you have that goes beyond your mind. If you function from there and start following that more, you start to create a reality on your terms. Reality molds itself to your choice instead of you molding yourself to the prevailing reality’s choice. When we talk about a new normal, I don’t think we’re ever going back to where we were. We’re going forward to something, and that something is not determined yet. Depending on who you talk to, there are a lot of people who have a lot of points of view about what is trying to be perpetrated on us and it’s fine, but if you resist and react to that, you’re the effect of it. Anything you resist and react to, you’re the effect of it. You come down to its level so you can resist and react.Your point of view creates your reality. Reality does not create your point of view. Click To Tweet
What I invite people to do is get a sense of if you had a magic wand and didn’t have to know the how of creation or the how of anything, if you had a magic wand and could ask for anything in your life in the next 18 months to 2 years, what would it be like? It’s not what would it look like, “I have this house. I have this much money and I have that.” Those are the specifics that we think we need to gravitate toward so that we can create it. What I found works better is to get the sense of if you truly could have anything like waking up in the morning, what would you like to have your life feel and be like energetically for you? I talk a lot about energy and a lot of people think it’s woo-woo. I point out Richard Branson, for example. He’s highly successful who’s willing to fail. He’s somebody who follows the energy. If it’s light, he does it, even if everybody says he can’t. If it’s heavy, he doesn’t, even if everybody says he should. He follows the energy.
When I talk about this thing of following the energy, following what’s light, that’s a great example of somebody who does that who probably wouldn’t even recognize it, and who wouldn’t put it in those terms. This is something we can all use. Somebody was talking to him and said, “How did you get here? Tell us. What was your starting point?” He had gone through all kinds of stuff that didn’t work in his life. He was like, “When I was younger, I thought to myself, if I could create anything as my life, it would be this.” It wasn’t specifics like, “I’ll have businesses around the world.” It was, “I would have a sense of lightness as my life. My entire life would show up magic. I’d be able to travel whenever I wanted. I’d be able to do whatever I wanted. I’d have enough money. I’d have good friends. I’d have influence possibly.” He asked for that and here he is.
The difficulty, as what we’ve been taught, is creation. A lot of the people I work with have been through the goal–setting exercises. You get a long-term goal. You break it down into medium, short-term, daily goals, and daily things you’re supposed to do. Ninety-nine percent of the people I work with cannot do that. They can’t because it kills the magic. It’s not only tedious, what they find is if they don’t do today’s set of goals or set of whatever they were supposed to do, then they feel behind for tomorrow. They’re less likely to do it. In a week from now, it’s gone. What I tell them is, “You are not wrong.” How do I know this? I tried the same thing. It got me to the place where I wanted to end my life because I couldn’t even do that correctly. What I talked to people about is get the sense of the way you would like your life to be, and show up the way you’d like it to feel living that life. Get a sense of the way it would be to have ease with money, to have great relationships, great friendships, the ability to travel whenever you wanted, the ability to have enough time for you, and the ability to enjoy your life and living. They’re like, “It feels awesome.” I’m like, “Ask for it.”
Whatever is out there that will help me, I’ll do whatever it takes. I’m willing to have anything show up. I’m willing to have anyone show up. I’m willing to have anybody or anything lead. I’m willing to have it all changed. This is the life I would like. Go live your life. Anything that feels like that energy, do it. If somebody invites you to coffee and it’s got a sense of that, do it. If you get a chance to go on a trip, enter a contest, get a job, create a business, or create a product and it has any of that energy to it, do it. This is a way of using your awareness to guide you to those things. If we call it the universe or whatever you want to attribute it to, the thing that’s bigger than us that’s out there in the world, that contributes to us that we eliminate every time we go to think or judge, you get that thing on your side because it has ways of making things show up that we can’t think. It gets us out of the thinking and into using our awareness to create the magic.
I’m thinking of Branson and all the things it took to get to where he was or a lot of hard work. You have to pay your dues to some extent. A lot of the people will say, “I liked that. It feels good,” but then they don’t want to do the work it takes to get there. How do you get them to recognize that there‘s no pain, no gain sometimes?
I forgot that a lot of people do that also. For me, I’m willing to do the work. I assume people are.
They think you’re so lucky because you have your job, but that’s hard work. Branson’s not lucky at all. It was hard.
This is what we need to look at. We need to invite it to show up with ease, not expect it to be easy. We need to be willing to do the work, but the work isn’t necessarily what we’ve been taught it is. The work isn’t continuously thinking about it to try to bring it into existence. In fact, I’ve found that keeps pushing it further and further away. The work is to ask for it and be willing to be whatever we would need to be for that to show up.
You get a lot of opportunities. I have a lot of people contact me and want me to work here, want me to work there, want me to do this, want me to do that. A lot of it feels good. A lot of it feels bad. Some of the bad ones could lead to good things. How do you discern?
This is the thing about this way of going about it. It doesn’t take long. It can take three minutes. If you’ll run through the thing that I suggested about creating a future you would surely like to have, and anything that has a sense of being that energy, do it and ask for it to show up with these. One of the tools of Access is the mantra of Access which is, “All of life comes to me with ease and joy and glory.” We suggest that people use that ten times in the morning and ten times in the evening. It’s an acknowledgement that not only good things happen to me, and I’m only going to do the easy stuff. It’s no matter what I have to do to accomplish the life I would like to have, or create what I would like to create will occur with ease, joy and glory.
The meaning of glory is exuberant expression and abundance. It’s not a religious thing. It’s an energetic thing. If people do that, they start over time to get a sense of things showing up in ways they never expected. In the position you’re in, all kinds of people will offer you things that they say are so good for you. In actuality, they want to use you so it will be good for them. Part of where the work in this way of going about things is in the practice of looking at it and going, “That felt light so I did it, and it turned out like absolute crap. What happened?” Even in those things that don’t turn out well, if you follow this sense or the thread of that energy, there’s some awareness you’ve got or somebody you’ve met.
My house in Houston had no power. The pipes are frozen. There was no heat. It was seventeen degrees outside. Here I am in Chattanooga having this interview because I was like, “It’s lighter to go to Chattanooga.” Not for any logical reason other than I wanted to come. It was lighter, so I came and then here I am, I couldn’t get home, and thank goodness. It’s things like that that starts showing up. I do realize a lot of people out there reading are going, “Are you kidding? Come on. This is not enough work.” I know and I used to have the same point of view so I totally get it. I’m presenting a different possibility. Some people are going to read this and go with a lot of four–letter words. I totally get it. I would have thought the same thing many years ago. This is how I personally have created everything I’ve created in the world. It took a lot of practice.If we could get that one perspective, we would open up the doors to the jail cell we've been putting ourselves in. Click To Tweet
You’re dynamic and smart. You’re a chiropractor. You’re a doctor. You’ve got this level of tenacity to do that. A lot of people follow Tony Robbins and the people who have this charisma, but they don’t have that same quality. What do you tell them?
It’s not about what you think it’s about. The only thing it truly is about if you embrace any of this is never quit, never give up and never give in. If you keep going and you use any of these tools that I presented, things will start showing up differently in a short amount of time.
Talking about tenacity, how do you get people to be tenacious?
All it requires is some sense of possibilities. Also, the other way in getting people to be tenacious is I talked to them about what they’ve already done and what they’ve already chosen. I asked how well it has worked. I talked to them and I say, “What has worked for you? What created lightness and happiness for you and what didn’t?” Those things that created the lightness and happiness, those work with your natural way of functioning. We all have a natural way of functioning in the world. What I see is so many of the things that are about getting us to a different place are trying to use a way of functioning that is not ours because it worked for somebody else. It’s telling us about this, but it won’t work for us. What this is about is over time getting into your own rhythm and flow of the things that work for you.
Here’s the weird part. Most of the people that believe they don’t have any tenacity, it’s because they’ve tried to do many things that don’t work for them, that they failed at, which is where I was many years ago. Once they start finding that they have a unique sense of awareness, they have a unique way of interacting with their business, with their families, with everybody, and they start giving themselves permission to be that, and it starts showing up for them, they start getting over the lack of tenacity. They have a lack of willingness to go because nobody’s ever asked them and gotten them to find out what their way is of going. It’s like trying to fit.
Let’s say you like driving a big SUV. Imagine somebody comes up and says, “You’ve got a lot of problems. You want to change your life.” They honk their little horn and you hear them outside. You look outside and you’re like, “You’re in a Mini Cooper. That’s even more mini than a mini.” They like, “Climb in. Go on the ride of my life or go on the ride of my way of doing things. I’ll show you how.” You go to climb in and you realize, “The car is too small for my legs.” You cut off your legs and throw them out so you’ll fit. You’re sitting there, a bloody stump in the seat. You go to shut the door and you realize, “My arms don’t fit.” You cut the left one off. You chew the right one off. You throw them out with your teeth. You’re ready to go on the ride of what they say will work for you. That doesn’t work for any of us.
For some of the people reading, they can relate to that like trying to do it somebody else’s way. I’m not interested in giving them my way. What I’m interested in is showing them ways to get to their way. What I’ve found is every single person that finds their way starts to get inspired to be alive again, and starts to get over the sense of the lack of hope, and the sense that they’re wrong. None of us wants to continue to do something if we feel wrong 90% of the time. We think that we need to feel wrong and we need to do all this stuff the right way in order to not feel wrong anymore, but we can’t do it perfectly enough to get that feeling right.
It’s inspiring to people. They’re reading and it’s like going to these events. You listen to somebody and go, “That makes sense. I’m going to do it.” You get all revved up and then you go home. A day goes by or some couple of times, and then they start to slip back. How do you keep people from slipping back?
What I do is I provide massive amounts of resources because I realized exactly that. I provide massive amounts of tools and resources so that they can digest them on their own time and in their own space. I invite them to please take twenty minutes a day for you to explore some of these things that might be fun for you, whatever they are. It doesn’t have to be Access Consciousness or me, whatever it is. It could be cat videos online. Anything that inspires you that sense of lightness, a sense of joy. When we’re truly being us, we have lightness and joy. Have you ever had one of those mornings where you wake up and you’re on cloud nine and you’re like, “I am ready to create. Let’s go?”
There’s the other side where you want to hit the snooze alarm 27 times. “Please don’t call me. Please don’t talk to me. I don’t have a creative bone in my body. I don’t want to handle what I’ve got to handle. I can’t handle all that.” Those are two different energies. What we want to do is do our best to have more of the first, anything that brings more lightness, anything that brings more happiness. If we get more lightness, more happiness, more joy, what then occurs is we’re more creative of the time. I suggest another thing people do take at least twenty minutes a day to do something that brings you lightness, happiness or joy. I’ve got many tools available for free online because I needed these many years ago and I didn’t have it. Maybe take one tool and use it that day. This tool like, “All of light comes to me with ease and joy and glory. I’m going to look at what makes me light and notice it. I’m going to ask questions with everything like, ‘What else is possible. How does it get any better than this?”’
This is us doing the work. I am so with you. We need to be willing to do the work. A lot of people are in between where they’ve got some level of success, but it’s not what they desire. It’s not truly making them happy and fulfilled, and yet they don’t want to give that up for something else. Don’t give it up. Start adding this stuff that makes your experience of it greater. You’ll naturally be led to the things that are different, that could show up that will give you what you’re asking for. You have to ask. It is why I said to get the sense of what you’d like your life to be in the next years if you had a magic wand, or if you had me and Diane at your side whispering in your ear all the time, “What could you do that you don’t think is possible now?” I know how it is to feel like it’s impossible. One of the other things we have in Access is this thing we call a clearing statement. What it does is you have doubt, fear or resentment come up. We have a way of changing it in the moment so you don’t have to carry it into the next moment. The more you use that, the more you’re continuously not carrying the heaviness with you and getting to more and more lightness, which then shows you other possibilities.
I work as a dean at a university. I’m fascinated by students who sign up for programs. They want to do certain things, but they don’t have that sense that they can finish. They get overwhelmed and they drop out. What advice would you give to maybe even me as the dean or to students? What can you do to keep enrollment? How do you keep people in these programs to get that sense that this is worth, that you’re going to see the end? This was a goal you wanted. We’re back to tenacity in some respects. Do you have any insight for them?
Here’s the first conversation that I would have with them. I’d let them know there’s a difference between ease and easy. I’d also let them know in the world we live in, most people are looking for everything to be easy or they won’t do it. We’re sold that continuously. That’s supposed to be the promise of technology. It is to make everything easy. Not everything is going to be easy. Is this something you truly desire? Is this something that when you think about doing it as your future, gives you a sense of lightness, gives you a sense of, “I could see myself doing this?” If it is, then be willing to commit, “I’m going to do the work. I’m going to do whatever is required,” and recognize that it may not be easy. Even when you’re doing the work, it can show up with ease.A lot of people are doing what they're doing because it's what they're supposed to do, not because it's what they love. Click To Tweet
Once you’ve convinced yourself that this is what I want and it’s not going to be easy, you get there. You still sometimes find it’s more challenging than you thought what’s going to keep you in there once you’ve recognized that, “This is way harder than I thought.”
One of the great gifts we can give is to be there for our kids. We call them kids lightly because some of them are adults, but to be there for them to have a support system. When it’s not, they have somebody to talk to where it’s a free space and no judgment. Maybe all they need to do is vent. Sometimes it feels so overwhelming. You think you can’t do it. Also, we need to give them stories of people who thought it was overwhelming and did it, so that they can see that this works. If you choose to do this, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. That’s one of the other things where kids give up. Let’s face it. We have the highest teen suicide rate we have ever had and it keeps going up because kids don’t see a future.
We need to instill in them a sense of future but also a sense that they are part of creating that future. With eight billion people on the planet, most of them apparently are unhappy. I don’t know how that happened, but it seems to be the planet we’re living on. Most of them are hoping somebody will save them. We’ve got to acknowledge to them, “You’re the only one that can do this for you. If it’s important enough to you, will you make the commitment to you in your life to stay the course no matter what shows up? If there is a point at which it’s not for you and you can’t handle it, that’s okay. It’s all right. There is something greater out there for you.”
I see a lot of people from teaching courses and all the things that I have done, they plan the plan, and never do anything but plan. How do you get out of that mentality?
You need to get them to take at least one action every single day. For example, when I was starting my second chiropractic practice, this is before Access, that’s what drove me to Access. I have no idea what to do here. I was in a new city. I was in Santa Barbara. Everybody else seemed to know everybody else. Everybody else seemed to be happy. I’m unhappy. I don’t know what to do. I’m building a business. I don’t know what to do. I was like, “Every day I’m going to take some action.” The only thing I could think to do was to open the phone book to other practitioners and see if I could start talking to them, to work on them, show them what I was capable of. Maybe I could get referrals. That was the only action I could think of to take. I dreaded it. I hated it.
I’d pick up the phone. I would start shaking with fear and then start crying. I would put the phone down. I would use whatever tools I had at the time to get myself to the place. I was like, “I am not being stopped by this.” It would sometimes take me an hour to get over my abject fear and terror. I would make the phone call. I screwed up. I was so bad on 50%, 60%, 70% of those phone calls. The 30% or so that I was able to carry on a cogent conversation, I had people say, “I’d love to trade with you and see what you’re doing. I think I have some people who could use that.” I started a business with that because I was willing to take action every single day. We need to get people to take action.
Here’s the thing that I was talking about before. A lot of people are doing what they’re doing because it’s what they’re supposed to do, not because it’s what they would love to do. I don’t know how to get to those people before they’re in the college situation, doing what mom and dad demanded them to keep the money flowing in or to keep the love flowing in. That’s a bigger conversation that can be changed on an individual level way quicker than we think. On an institutional level, if we acknowledge that it may be going on for a lot of them, then how do we get them to still create it on their terms? The biggest thing is, how do we get them to not give up?
Looking at learning outcomes, where is this leading? Is this the job you want? Is this the situation you want? You’re talking about a sales–related thing you had to do. Everything is sales in every job you do. My husband is a physician. He’s got to have patients. It’s sales. You don’t think of it that way. The best training and anything I’ve ever done in my life was learning sales. I was a pharmaceutical rep for several years at AstraZeneca, being in mortgages, real estate, and different sales jobs I’ve had, I don’t think there’s anything that teaches you as many good tenacity skills as sales. Do you think we need to train people in more of those kinds of skills in K through 12? How do you get that without having to have a phone book thrown at you and say, “Here, dial for dollars?”
That would be such a great idea. It is one of the things that builds tenacity like nothing else. It also builds the willingness to receive people’s judgments. If we look at every aspect of what we’ve spoken about that seems to get in the way for people, it’s that being judged is so terrible to them. When in actuality being judged is just being judged. Let’s face it, we live in a world where young people are learning that they won’t be judged at home and at school anymore. You can be judged online by thousands of other people for anything you don’t do perfect.
I would so love if that were some part of the training in K through 12. This thing of not being willing to receive other people’s judgments and being willing to receive our own is a killer. If we could create a program that would show them that judgment is just judgment, it‘s just somebody else’s point of view. The people that are the most insecure judge the most to try to feel right because they spent their entire lives feeling wrong. We’d have a totally different school system. We’d have a totally different world. We have people who would be willing to go out in the world and create rather than suffering from the fact that they don’t want to be judged either as being different or whatever it is that they’re afraid of being judged for.
One of my former students created a company, LeaderKid Academy. I’m on the board of that. They go to K through 12 and teach them soft skills. It’s critical to learn some of this stuff because we know people are hired for their knowledge and fired for their behaviors. When I wrote my dissertation on emotional intelligence and its impact on performance, I was looking at salespeople. Emotional intelligence, and the realm that I was looking included stress tolerance and some of these other things. It‘s that ability to understand your own emotions in those and others, and then react appropriately. I don’t think they teach enough of that in the younger age group. I know that as they redevelop these programs, there’s isn’t the money in the system to add a lot of this stuff. By the time they get around to it, we have all these generations who missed out on it. Are you seeing younger generations are any better or worse at handling these haters online or any of this stuff that requires emotional intelligence?
I love that you bring that up because if we had that training, we truly would have people who are different in the world. They’d be a lot more resilient. What I wonder is, how can we get together with our resources, you, me and those reading, to create something that allows that that doesn’t put a strain or a drain on the school system? Your friend that you’re talking about, I think it’s brilliant. Let’s have a lot more of that. To answer your question, I work with a lot of kids, teens to young twenties. My vent is these Access Consciousness tools designed to get you to the place where you can handle anything so you become more resilient.
What I’m finding is a lot of kids that are initially distraught and feeling destroyed. Working with them for a short amount of time, we turn it 180 degrees. They start to recognize the strength that they have even in that situation but also some ways of handling that situation that are different than they thought they had available, which is why I keep going back to tools. If we have tools that work in the trenches of life, when we feel disgraced, where we are so stressed, we’re not sure what we’re going to do, and we can handle those situations, then all the other stuff is cake. I’m seeing young people be willing to embrace this dynamically because somewhere they want to be happy. Let’s face it, if we had a world of happy people, we’d have a totally different world.
Everything that you work with and you deal with was inspirational. I think many people reading this would want to find out how they can learn more by your books and children’s books. We didn’t even get into that, but everything that you offer. How can people follow you?
Go to DrDainHeer.com and also on Facebook, on Instagram, on YouTube. There’s a program that I did that was 14 Days for $14 when the pandemic started, our lockdown started. I wanted to walk people through, not only how you can survive this, but how you can thrive with this. I reopened that availability. There are some twenty–hour-long videos on there. The people that were in that, a year later, here they are. They’re going, “I’m so glad I did that.” Everybody else around me feels like the world is going to hell in a handbasket. I’m creating more than I ever have before. I’ve got a ton of resources available online that are easily accessible or free. That’s my desire to pay forward what I got from this amazing body of work. It’s all there.
There’s great information on your website. I took a look at it. I hope people take some time to review it. Thank you so much for being on the show, Dain. This was so much fun.
Thank you, Diane. It was wonderful.
I’d like to thank Dain for being my guest. We get so many great guests on this show. I hope you enjoy the episode. I hope you join us for the next episode of Take The Lead Radio.
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About Dr. Dain Heer
Dr. Dain Heer is an author, change-maker, and inspiration influencer. He is a popular global speaker and teacher, leading classes across the globe. As co-creator of Access Consciousness, one of the largest personal development companies practiced in 174 countries, a best-selling author, and inviter to greatness and consciousness, Heer is a propellant for people to know they can change anything in their lives.
Originally raised in the ghettos of Los Angeles, Heer was exposed to constant abuse and bullying, which has fueled everything he does including reaching our youth from a very young age with messages of hope and resilience, seen in both of his children’s books The Baby Unicorn Manifesto and The Baby Dragon Manifesto. Dr. Heer draws upon his background and unique perspective to facilitate positive change in the world, and empower people from every culture, country, age and social strata to create the life they truly desire.
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